If I can lose weight then any one can. Whatever you do, don’t give up and you WILL
meet all your weight loss goals!
with kind regards,
Joan
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You said you believe in diversity and respect the “lifestyle choices” of others. Do you not see how simply using the phrase, “lifestyle choices,” automatically assumes that a gay person could make a different choice?… Meaning perhaps they could change…be a straight person if only they really wanted to be. Is your heterosexuality a “lifestyle choice”? Was the little boy in my daughter’s pre-school class twelve years ago, a boy with two older, straight brothers, making a “lifestyle choice” when he wanted, more than anything to be a girl? Having not seen him for several years, I recently heard he has just “come out” to his friends, as I always knew he would someday. To any rationally thinking person, it would be obvious that he was wired that way from the start whether it be genes or hormones or whatever biologically creates a gay person. I will NEVER understand, and find completely nonsensical how people cannot see, or chose to not see, even when the overwhelming evidence is staring them right in the face.

Regarding TORCHWOOD, and specifically the gay relationship scenes, between Jack and Ianto, you stated, “I had to make sure my kids weren’t watching it-lest they get the wrong impression.” and “…I’ll still be more careful watching it around my kids.” I hope you don’t mind, but I was curious so I read your “About the Author” section and I see your kids are teenagers. First of all, I would argue that being gay is not wrong, it just is, like being left handed or being gifted or being anything else that is simply different from the average. So what “wrong” impression is there for your kids to get? I’ve no doubt they see heterosexual relationships on television all the time, so why would a couple of all too short, (in my considered opinion,) scenes of men kissing be in any way harmful for them to see? Second, I wonder why you feel, since you have gay friends, that your teenagers need to be sheltered from seeing that gay people actually do have relationships, that they’re not just here to give straight people advice on what to wear and how to style their hair. Yes, they do kiss and hug and love and have feelings the same as straight people do. How could that possibly be harmful to your kids? I don’t see how sheltering them from such things, is making them “prepared for the future.”…unless your envisioning a future where gay people will always be thought of as less than equal.

My final words on TORCHWOOD would be that they aren’t trying, as you pondered, to make the show “daring” or “shocking.” Both John and the shows creator, Russell T. Davies have said that they just want to show that if characters happen to be gay, there is nothing wrong or bad about that. Also, I thought your questioning how gay can also be masculine, (regarding the kiss/fight scene between Capt. Jack and Capt. John) amusing. As a hetero female, married 33 years, who recently got the opportunity to see and talk to Mr. Barrowman in person, I have to say, there are few people more attractively masculine.

Since it’s late, I best get to my “in cloing” thoughts. My mission, you might say, is not to put you in your place, but indeed it is to do whatever I can to get people to open their eyes…to not follow blindly like sheep. It’s the most difficult with people who have strict religious beliefs, but possibly even more confounding when I hear people say they’re opinions are guided by their religion, but they are still “tolerant.” If you don’t believe ALL of the religious dogma, than why believe ANY of it? Peoples belief in a few lines in a book supposedly written thousands of years ago when they still thought the earth was flat, really is the heart of the reason why gay people are treated so atrociously. If you believe God gave humans the ability to think rationally, wouldn’t this be a good time to exercise that ability? (Not saying you specifically, just people in general.)

I’m stepping down off my soapbox now. I apologize if this seemed more like a rant or ramble than an attempt at understanding, but I’m on a journey of self awareness too and I’m finding it ever more difficult to not speak my piece…The internet is both a blessing and a curse.

True enough, what was happening was that she was not getting everything, just assurances from my other sister, Tizza; and her family that Bing, was okay – that everything was okay. Yet if things were okay, why was Bing not home yet? So my Mom, naturally felt that they were not giving her the entire story.

Before I met Mom, my Dad had me listen to his conversation with someone who helped dispatch a private ambulance for my sister’s transfer to a facility without and orthopedic capabilities to a hospital that did. I learned that Bing was suffering from a full fracture – but nto where (as I had nto seen her yet).

But this little bit of information was what I told my Mom. She was both angry at the man who did this – apparently, when Bing got hit, she called my Mom, and my Mom could hear they guy who hit her angry and cursing her – forcing her to get up. My Mom tried walking to the place where my sister was, but her body could not take it – so she had to call my Niece (who was in a separate house, and resting due to fever), to go to my sister.

It was at this moment when my Mom cried – feeling helpless, frustrated and not having any cash to pay for needed store supplies and help with hospital expenses… she was happy to see me, glad even for the little information I could share… and what little money I could give her (as the rest had to go to the hospital for Bing’s medicines).

I next visited Bing – whom Tizza had been guarding since last night. Staying on top of things, and calling my Dad for whatever help could be provided.

As I saw Bing, and the pain she was reliving – we were trying to cheer her up – I brought novels for her to read, I tried joking… anything to keep her preoccupied and forget the pain – and yes, as anyone who’s probably experienced a bone fracture can tell – there was pain… even with pain killers.

We were laughing at the stories Tizza told about Bing’s early ER experiences – you see, Bing has a phobia for needles and injections. She was literally jumpy every time an orderly or nurse would come in holding a syringe – thinking it would be stuck into her… even injections meant for the patiend in the other bed.

But at one time, when Bing had to be transported to and from the X-ray room, she experienced pain at the transfer from bed to stretched and back, her leg moved to an angle that really made her cry out in pain.

Plus one time, what I was joking around about – accidentally hitting her leg with my hand, actually happened – courtesy of one of the nurses. I guess all these painful reminders were a bit too much, and she cried silently… sobbing, but not wailing. It was at this moment that I really felt sympathy for what she was going through – and at the same time, pride and some awe… that she could suffer still in silence.

Had this happened to me, would I be equally composed? Would I, too, suffer with dignity? I’d like to think so, but pray I need not find out.

Latest news is that she’ll be transferred to a different hospital, this time here in Manila… so I can visit her more often – specially during her birthday on the 12th of August. Imagine that… spending your 45th birthday worrying about your legs, your mom and your pet cats? That is what Bing is going through now.

Many thanks for the suggestions David – yeah… I did not go so far as thinking if the plants and Koi would co-exist peacefully, guess that was also because I put off further research until I am indeed ready to build such a pond.

Koi grow that large huh? Guess the pond would have to be a small lake-sized pool. But I will indeed do research on the fish you’ve suggested… and by the way, liked your site’s pictures too.

For anyone else with the same interests, let me point you to David’s site, which answers even more unasked queries form some of us. Its at http://www.your-garden-ponds-center.com/

I would have to chalk it up with first impressions, and I think I came across the wrong way to you. Guess, typing things as I think them tends to do that… yet it may also be a discovery in itself, just like free-form writing.

Is my religion – my being a Catholic a factor to consider? I would have to say yes… after all, being brought up a Catholic can give you some values on what is right and wrong… but… and here’s the clincher, I find these views somewhat too black and white at times, and I would like to consider shades of gray – not out of convenience – though there is that too, but out of a deeper sense of searching for truths not limited to ancient knowledge. I do not impose my Catholic values on anyone else – they are my values, and maybe I do guide my children on these – but until something else better comes along, I will use them as my guidelines.

That said, I’d like to think that I’m more accepting and liberally minded about Gays and Lesbians than your typical Catholic. My article was not meant to malign either as your statements sometimes come across – at least, by the way I felt while reading them.

I did look at John’s 6-part series, as you suggested 0 you should have seen my wife’s look and reaction while I was listening to it… she asked me if I was feeling something differently… and I was just telling her I wanted to understand – not just John, but Gays in general.

You’re right, it points to some things… but it does not answer everything. Thank you for letting me see this, and I hope others look at it with open thoughts and minds. But biological? Can that be just it? Was John desperately grasping at straws? Are we sating that its not a choice? These questions may have been answered, as far as John is concerned – but it may need more data and research to answer just that.

But that is just one factor, and I’m happy for him.

Now, addressing your seeing root for making the reply – I admit to having a double-standard with Gays… I say I accept them as friends, yet I would be very reluctant to see my kids become like them. I don’t deny this… and I’d like to explain myself a bit more.

As a ’straight’, i would like to see my kids have less complications in life – and admit it… Gays have a lot of complications, even these days… just by acceptance from the general populace. It is a wish to protect them from any other trials they – like you, might face… after all, life is difficult enough with all the usual biases, distrusts and discriminations.

I’d say that the fact that you reacted is an indicator of being sensitive… protective, and you felt that you had to put me in my place or open my eyes to certain wrongs. Nothing wrong with that, mind you… its human nature. Like I said earlier, I appreciate the reply – and the need to clarify.

I’m not openly advocating intolerance, the double standard or hypocrisy – after all, I could just as easily kept mum or played safe and not honestly mention my concerns. Does this mean I won’t love them if they turn out that way? Of course not.

But as a protective parent – who won’t be around forever, I’m just raising my kids the best way I can think of, and mind you, its very different and definitely more tolerant than that of my parents styles… I’d just like to prepared them for the future… to have an open mind, and not judge others by their differences of preferences.

I’m also reminded of a Gay friend my mom used to have, where we would go to have our hair cut and styled. He once said to a pre-teen that if he/she found out ‘I’ was going out with a Gay, he would beat me up. That came from a Gay, who honestly knew the world we lived in – and wanted to make sure I did not have the same problems he/she faced. Like him/her, I accept that fact that public acceptance of Gays is still far from happening. Oh they are more open now – more liberated to show who and what they are… but like any other non-white race… and maybe even more – a lot of intolerance and prejudice still rear their ugly heads.

Nina, I sincerely hope you don’t see me in that category.

Like your pictures of flowers and fish. I will say that some of us enjoy a pond for the fish and some of us enjoy a pond with beautiful plants. In order for both to co-exist there needs to be some separation because Koi will eat or uproot every plant in your long dreamed about pond.
When your dream becomes a reality, just remember to keep a barrier in your pond and you will enjoy all of the benefits of both a Koi pond and a garden pond. Or consider Shubunkin or Comet gold fish, neither of which will uproot or eat your precious garden pond plants, do not require extensive filtration because they stay smaller in size(12-14″) as opposed to Koi that can grow to 36″.
I sincerely hope that your dream becomes a reality.

David

Being gay is not a CHOICE, any more than heterosexual is a choice. I assume you are the later…did you just get up one day at the age of five and say, I guess I’ve decided to be heterosexual? Our sexual preference, gay or straight is determined by the physiological, NOT the psychological, and no amount of seeing men kissing men, or women kissing women is going to change your childrens’ true sexuality. The only thing is could do, which would be an excellent lesson for you all, is change the attitude of the next generation, so your gay friends, which you claim to support wouldn’t have to put up with the crap that society throws at them.

Since you are talking specifically about the wonderful show TORCHWOOD, might I suggest you (and all other irrationally thinking people who still think sexual identity is a “CHOICE”) watch “John Barrowman: The Making of Me,” a recent documentary with the star of TORCHWOOD on a journey to find out WHY he is gay. It’s on YouTube in six parts and is well worth your time. It doesn’t give all the answers, but it is certainly a step in the right direction. I hope it opens up a dialog for those of you who are afraid to believe something other than the dogma you’ve been taught, at the expense of other human beings.

Link to part 1 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m27Awmlgi38